I haven't been able to write for almost 2 years now for many reasons but most of all because of unforgiveness. This topic was put in my heart in 2009 but I had issues with forgiving certain people and even myself that it felt so unnatural to write about something I had not allowed God work out of my life,I was not willing to let go and let God! I had read alot on the subject, searched the scriptures but when it came to putting it into practise I just could not.
Have you been there? When you feel someone has done you wrong, do you feel they do not deserve your forgiveness?It seems they go on with life unaffected by "THE WRONG THEY HAVE SERVED YOU" and you suffer everyday? You feel they need to be punished for the injustice they have caused, they need to be as miserable as you are, they just need to pay....and so your thoughts become occupied with devising ways of making them get their comeuppance, or just imagining how it will be if they really suffered. You get some satisfaction in your imaginations and even try to find out from others how they are faring always hoping to hear some bad news, and if there is... how jolly you feel! You feel justified in your bitterness, you are also gratified in the person's suffering or your hopes that they are not having it easy too.
Unforgiveness changes who you are, you are no longer free, you are trapped in the very prison you want to create for someone else. Isn't it funny how when we hurt people we really want to be forgiven but when it happens to us we find it difficult to forgive?
I have seen a couple of quotes on friends facebook status that goes something like-"Unforgiveness is like letting someone who hurt you live rent free in your mind" or "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die." The amazing thing about unforgiveness is that it only affects the person who refuses to forgive even though they were the ones that were wronged.
I picked up my lab top one evening and wrote a long letter to someone that had wronged me telling the person how I was now moving on with my life and how I had forgiven them totally of everything that I feel was done to me. I also asked for forgiveness if I had wronged them- I felt better immediately but I noticed after a while that my words and actions did not really reflect this forgiveness,I still talked about what had been done to me with a lot of passion and resentment and then I realised that forgiveness is not a mental exercise but one that God must help us overcome- The very act of forgiving another person makes us like our heavenly father. Whether it's something you did or something that was done to you, the only way out of the prison of resentment is through the door of forgiveness.
I am learning to talk to God about how I feel when someone hurts me- I CRY OUT TO HIM AND TRY TO EXPRESS HOW THE WRONG THAT HAS BEEN DONE MAKES ME FEEL. I have learnt that talking to people sometimes does not really help, in fact it seems they fuel your bitterness when others agree that you deserve justice, but bringing it to God is very different- He really understands, he saw what happened to you and there's no room for you to exaggerate(Which is what we tend to do when we talk to friends about what happened to us in a bid to draw more sympathy)and there you can ask for the grace to begin that process of forgiving- I say process because that is what I have found it to be.
The enemy wants to keep us children of God trapped in this sin of unforgiveness- It is an easy one to trap people in because it is one in which we feel justified that a wrong has been done to us. Many of us go around calling ourselves children of God but can't bear the sight of someone that has wronged us or we pray that they are punished for what they did- in Matthew 5:44-45 Jesus says "But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous"
Proverbs 20:22 Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.
Our refusal to forgive makes our offering unacceptable to God and in turn we can not expect to receive what we ask for in prayer-Matthew 5:24
Leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
Unforgiveness is also the root of many physical diseases- Stress, depression, hypertension which leads to heart disease, substance abuse or prescription abuse (to get that sleep which you have deprived yourself from for years because you stay up in bed all night thinking about the injustice that was done to you) All sorts of eating disorders.
The bottom line is this- unforgiveness is a waste of our time here on earth- life is too short to spend even a second holding a grudge. Let it go,set yourself free,talk to God about it, don't give the devil a foothold to mess you about.
Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
